hmm?

Well Here is a big question for myself what comes next? I am starting to get my head back on straight.. and I have no idea what happens next. It is weird to feel again and to be honest I don't like it... I prefer to be numb. But going through this is what needs to happen and perhaps blogging is a good way to get it off my chest lol. See I moved into some close friends of mine to escape the real world and gain some peace of mind, and it is working I just am at a loss of what I should be doing now? I used to be way more ambitious and had so many dreams but lost it all for awhile, and this is where I hit the brick wall because I am trying to rebuild it all at once.*Sigh* alas the good things in life take patience and time. This new neighborhood is both scary and unfamiliar but when I am in my house I feel a peace that passes over my body telling me I will be fine. I am also quite lucky to have a new roommate that has been through the exact same thing just under different circumstances. It's also nice to have somebody to relate to. I Really am not sure what I am feeling lately because I am so indecisive about everything, I can't even decide what I want to wear in the morning, thank god I have to wear a uniform for work! I have come to realize right at the moment there is only one daily routine... wake up go to work come home and repeat the same thing over again.. where in my head does that seem satisfying at all? There is so much more to life to seize and accomplish? but once again this is where I get stuck in the mudd.. I am going to be turning twenty next year and I am at a job that will take me no where in life... I am striving for something more, something bigger... but once again ... no clue? I have always had this growing feeling inside of me .. it's not something I can quite explain either, just a feeling that one day I will change lives and make a difference.. right now it' all I am holding on to .. lame huh? a feeling.. But I can't escape this feeling it dwells with in.. waiting. I just feel like someone is screaming and trapped inside of me and I am the only one that knows how to free them but I can't because I don't know how? haha once again makes no sense really it's mostly just frustrating trying to figure out what comes next in my life from this point, I need something more. Right now I am kind of just in my own little world.